Productive Day- Thursday 5/12/16

I got to write a thank you note to my adviser today.  She is helping me try to arrange a leave of absence next semester and been incredibly supportive.  I said how it meant a lot to me that she trusted and believed in me when I questioned myself.  Getting to acknowledge that others do trust and believe in me when I’m struggling with worthlessness is priceless.  That acknowledgement motivated me and I had a very productive day.  I got lots of to-do list items done 😉  In turn this helped me see how I have been affected by depression and Complex PTSD.  I could see how different my depressed and PTSD-triggered self is from how I have been when my symptoms are less.  This gave me context and perspective for what might be on the other side of addressing trauma.  It also gave me more access to my (righteous) anger over my experiences.  Besides seeing how different my depressed and PTSD-triggered self is from how I have been when my symptoms are less, I could also see how my symptoms never really went away when they were less.  I have to lean into that more, but I think it can help me recognize and understand what patterns I’ll have to work to transform.  I began to feel hopeful again.