Something I Realized This Week….


I don’t have Complex PTSD because I am weak or deficient.  I have Complex PTSD because I care about justice and treating other people right, and because I give a fuck about things beyond myself.

When I was first diagnosed I heard the voice of my parents saying that they were good parents and didn’t abuse me.  Internalizing my parents’ belief led me to believe that what I experienced was not significant trauma, and that developing Complex PTSD means I’m weak (and to blame for this).  It didn’t help that my dad specifically abused us to not have or acknowledge emotions, which he saw as weakness.

While my parents had abusive childhoods themselves we differ in that they responded to their abuse by externalizing and abusing others.  When they abused me they were trying to make me do the same.  It is not in my nature to be mean and abusive to others though, so I internalized their mistreatment of me.  I get this now.

I have Complex PTSD not because I am weak, but because I refused to compromise my basic nature.

6 responses »

  1. I am still very new to understanding people’s experiences with trauma or PTSD, but I can say that what a beautiful and empowering realization it was that you made. The notion that you are not weak but strong in your inner faith and your values, honestly, it leaves me speechless and blown away.

    You sound like a strong individual whose been through hard times. I hope they get lighter and brighter for you in the coming future. Take care, hun. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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