I wrote two pieces that describe what I experienced.  My story is between them.

The first piece describes my first sexual experience when I was preschool age.  It may be found here.  While I still am not to a place where I can say “I was abused,” I have moved somewhat since writing this piece.  I would not have moved without others supporting me and pushing me along.  Specifically, hearing “it wasn’t your fault” and that “there’s always hope” helped me.  I have more sympathy for myself now, and can say that I was forced to do things even as I take responsibility for my actions still.

The second piece describes what I experienced from my parents.  Some other adult survivors of child abuse have told me that this piece made space for them to share; I hope it may do the same for any readers of this blog.  It may be found at this link.

These two pieces are not the entirety of my experiences.  Maybe if I feel brave I’ll write and post more.  These two posts represent my experiences well though.


My second piece in the link above discusses race and I believe that one of the ways White supremacy continues is through trauma.  (Trauma and my dad’s racism were inseparable for this little White kid growing up.)  I was reminded of the links between child abuse and racism again when I came across this article by an upper class White man.  In the article he describes how he threatened to leave his wife in order to get her to agree to lock their toddler in his room.  From a child development perspective and a healthy relationships perspective both this a problem.

What struck me most though were the reader comments.  Many readers did not deem the man’s actions as abusive; several believed it was good parenting.  Had the writer been working class or a Person of Color I cannot imagine readers would have reacted the same way.  That the writer felt he could describe his actions in a newspaper without worrying about a visit from child protective services even speaks to privilege.  White middle class parents are not usually visited by child protective services.  Parents of color and working class parents are disproportionately visited by child protective services, with few resources put towards actually strengthening communities.

My parents should have taken a parenting intervention class.  Abuse happens in White middle and upper class families: we’re just not broken up like working class families and families of color.  Our parents are not looked at with inherent suspicion, and governments do not go out of their way to make parenting a challenge for them.  Instead they have every blessing to be monsters.  Abuse even is twisted to become ‘good parenting’.  White children are raised in such environments while internalizing messages of White supremacy.  Trauma facilitates racism when, among other things, insecurity breeds maltreatment.  I wish my parents addressed their childhoods, learned about White supremacy, and choose something different.